I cried for a good...eh, 2 hours. Talked to eric, that cheered me up. Cried some more. and some more. Tried concentrating on the tv it wasnt possible, so i went for a walk about 1030, ran into the neighborhood thugs, that deffinatly cheered me up. They said "damn girl, you gots to be a playa like us to be happy. no wonda you aint happy, you aint gettin laid or smokin dem joints" our conversation was ended with a knuckle punch type thing that lead to pulling my hand to them and giving me a hug...eh.. *pukes* they smelled bad. they said "we betta see you round the hood tomorraw cos use hot wit dat ghetto bottie" *pukes* i feel violated.
i'm going to write some i hate myself poetry and be goth, because i feel like hurting myself like a mother. but i won't, because i am stronger than that, anyway...it'd take forever to say sorry to everyone i promised that i wouldn't do it to. I'm also feeling like i shouldn't be alive. I keep imagining myself hanging from my ceiling. So i am going to go to bed, and pretend this day never happened. call me tomorrow if you love me, bitches.
***KAYLA (i hate you, whoever you are...that's why my name is in caps, yo)
people that made me feel good tonight
*samantha beautiful wright who will be here in 4 days exactly!!!
*my mom and dad
*my dog when he humped me...hahah JEALOUS?
----------->just need to talk to emily, jackie, and dan...then maybe i will smile a half smile.
I am going to bed. you'll be lucky if i talk to any of you tomorrow.
**also, if anyone feels bad because they didn't get to help me feel good tonight, and you want to be a good friend and make me happy...i would like the new glassJAw cd, thankyou. =)